Living in the past

Well, here's the deal. The rhinovirus I had? It won. Now I'm on the second round of antibiotics for the bronchitis it welcomed with open arms, and, really, I'm just crabby and wallowing in self-pity and new generation drugs. Blechh ... My sense of humor is down the toilet, it's only 4:40 pm and the sun disappeared for happier climates long ago. So I decided the present sucks. I am going to revisit my autumn vacation, when I was healthy and it was sunny, and post my favorite pictures. Hope you like 'em!

Junction of the Seward and Sterling Highways, southcentral Alaska.

Pond, Seward Highway, southcentral Alaska.

Storm over Kenai Fiords, Kachemak Bay, Alaska.

Russian Orthodox Church, Ninilchik, Alaska.

Church yard, Ninilchik, Alaska.

Mount Alice and beach houses at Lowell Point, Seward, Alaska.

Okay, enough escapism. Gotta go slam the next pill. And daydream about sunny skies. See ya!

Tight crops

The title refers to the photographic technique of zooming in on a subject, or cropping a photograph during post-processing, in a way that isolates elements of a larger subject or even reduces the subject to abstract lines and colors. This photo of graffiti on a downtown Fairbanks wall is an example of a tight crop ...

(The title does not, of course, refer to last summer's unfortunate fashion statement in women's pants. I mean, don't even get me started ...)

... as is this photograph of metal benches taken outside the Alaska Sea Life Center in Seward, Alaska. I really loved the contrast between the curved and straight lines of the benches, the bright water drops from an earlier rain storm, and the enigmatic diagonal stripe of the concrete retaining wall behind the benches.

(... but, since you mention it, what the hell are clothing designers thinking of, coming up with all these form fitting clothes and pants with cropped legs and dropped waists? I mean, hello America, no one wants to see your spare tire even if it's accented with a pierced navel! And do you have any idea what that stuff looks like on a 59 year old geezerette? I mean, gravity won, people, and it's not a pretty sight ...)

This photograph of a part of the boat launch ramp at Chena Lakes Recreation Area shows how tight cropping can isolate elements of a larger subject (much like todays fashions isolate unfortunate figure flaws) and bring attention to interesting graphic patterns and colors (which reminds me, children's fashions aren't much better - I mean, what's with all the pink, fluffy stuff in the girl's section and when did streetwalker chic become a fashion must for the under 12 set? And what's with the camo clothing in the boy's section?? Who are we trying to hide them from?! Where is all this going? What is the world coming to? My god, fellow clothes wearers, it's time for the revolution! Let's march on Paris and 5th Avenue! Death to the godless, imperialistic fashionistas ... oh ... er ... heh, where was I?] Um, so anyway, if you're feeling like you're stuck in the photographic doldrums, I highly recommend tight crops. The end.

Road trips can be -- whimsical

"Lawnmower races, Sisterdale VFD Annual BBQ and Dance, August 18 -- be here!" Road trips can be whimsical.

Once I saw a faded La-Z-Boy recliner sitting in an ocean of red Indian Paintbrush, out in the middle of nowhere, facing the distant, beige mountains. It was a little the worse for wear, but the view from its lumpy cushions was as good as it gets.

On the backroads of Alberta, a witty farmer stuffed a pair of blue work britches with straw, fastened boots at the ends of the pant legs, rolled the whole works up in a hay bale with the legs and boots protruding and left it neatly centered in his field, causing drivers like myself to do a double take and veer wildly over the center line. They like to be push the envelope down there, those Canadians.

Once in Missouri I was in a MacDonald's where every single customer, down to the smallest child, wore cowboy boots. They stared at my family and our feet, we in our scuffed tennies, as if we had just landed our space ship in the parking lot.

I paid $12.44 for a meal in Tennessee. The figure sticks in my mind because it took me a few minutes to interpret, "Thatah be tway-uh fo-ah-tee-fo-aah," each syllable drawn out like the strands of some verbal taffy pull.


Okay, now, don't laugh. I fell in love with a blue-eyed cowboy at a Texaco station in Durango, Colorado. But after a few smitten minutes I signed the credit slip he offered me and left him and his tight jeans for the siren call of the road. I'm not sure it would have worked out anyway. Do cowboys take road trips?

Archives battles deadly pest invasion and wins!

Reports of the capture and subsequent demise of that most feared rodent, Rattus archiverae drozdii, have been confirmed by this reporter after interviews and on the scene investigation at a well known historical repository in this northern city.

"We were appalled, disgusted and quite pleasurably grossed-out," remarked one witness who declined to be identified. Staff at the archives were first alerted to the possibility of a rodent invasion by the usual signs, which we will not go into here, feeling, as we do, that this scandal rag ... er, apex of journalistic endeavor shouldn't stoop to discussing matters of excretory function. As our illustration illustrates (note to self: find better wording), mousetraps were deployed and archives staff expected shortly to capture one of the more mundane of the rodent species. Shock and horror reigned upon the discovery of R. archiverae drozdii, a vicious specimen known for devouring not only precious historical documents, but also the occasional archivist! However, courageous staff soon dispatched the nasty beast and the archives was once again safe and sound.

Rattus achiverae drozdii was first identified as a separate species by the preeminant scientist, Dr. Ozda. Dr. Ozda has noted that R. archiverae drozdii can be identified by the unique characteristics of its eyes, particulary the yellow sclera and red irises, and by its unfortunate taste for the flesh of archivists, not to mention its remarkable overbite and the pugilistic set of its snout.

Our great northern city owes a debt of gratitude to the brave archivists who brought down this ravening beast and averted a catastrophe. We can all sleep more soundly knowing our historical documents are safe and so are our beloved archivists.

Road trips can be -- scary

Isn't this an amazing view? What you can't see are the signs at this rest stop (and every other rest stop in the American southwest) warning of creepy, crawly, biting, stinging, hissing and venemous creatures hanging out in desert camo waiting to part you from a delicious piece of your warm, human flesh. And that's just the beginning of road trip dangers ...

I once sputtered to a stop in a dusty, one-horse town on a two-lane highway in Nevada. It was way past my usual stopping time, but nothing more promising had appeared and now the road stretched ahead of me for empty miles towards the horizon. A stringy, tough looking woman greeted me from behind the desk of the town's single, ramshackle, motel. "Honey," she said, "I'm putting you in the room next to mine so you'll feel safe." In my mind, the town lost its air of gentle decay and began to look dark and menacing.

After stashing my suitcase in my room, I stepped out the door, headed for a seedy convenience store, which appeared to be the town's only food source. It was after sunset and shadowy figures were lurking in the weak, orange light given off by the single dingy lamp over the entry to the store. I may have considered going without dinner that night. Luckily, common sense (and my devotion to regular meals) kicked in. I gathered my courage, leashed my attack dog, Sam the Cocker Spaniel, and, assuming my most fearsome don't-mess-with-the-librarian expression, I proceeded forth. The miscreants gathered around the store's entry attempted to intimidate me by greeting me with a threatening, "Good evening, ma'am," but my determination to snag a frozen dinner unmolested must have impressed them because I lived to tell about the encounter and to enjoy my mac & cheese and a peaceful night's sleep.

Road trips can be very edifying and adventuresome, but it is necessary to pack a resolute attitude and a fair bit of courage along with your undies.

Word for the day: Egregious

Some words are just freighted with meaning. You simply have to be grateful they're a part of the English language. Egregious for example. If you say it, you sound intellectual and articulate. People will be impressed with the breadth of your vocabulary. But they'll also know what you've really said is that some brainless twit, some drooling lackwit with the I.Q. of beach sand, has done something seriously stupid. You've managed to package all that withering scorn into a word that makes you look like an upstanding citizen protesting a grievous error. So let's hear it for egregious!

P.S. Sorry for the really bad cartoon. I don't have a photo of egregiousness. I'm either stunned to the point of paralysis by someone else's egregiousness and incapable of pointing my camera at them or I'm busy committing egregiousness myself (and you know I'm not going to record that for posterity!).

Be seein' you off planet!

Wooohooo! I just took a quiz to see which science-fiction space crew I'd fit best with and, omigod, it was the Serenity crew! I am so out of here and off planet! So thanks to my favorite cynic (you can find him at I Love Cynics) for the idea. I'm a happy space cadet, 'cause Firefly is my favorite sci-fi series. Here are my results:

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in with? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Serenity (Firefly) You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you. Serenity (Firefly) 100% Moya (Farscape) 94% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 94% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 81% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 81% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 75% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 69% Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) 56% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 56% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 50% SG-1 (Stargate) 50% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 44% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 31%

I'll be sending you a post card from somewhere far, far away, as soon as I figure out how that works.